U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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