I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
