i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
