I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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