We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
