I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
