he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just googled if crying burns calories
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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