Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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