My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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