You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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