it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
