Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
