I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
