guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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