The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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