Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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