Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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