Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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