wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need a beard to bite.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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