my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
