I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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