I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
