i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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