Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
