Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
