"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
