Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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