he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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