I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
