Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
