Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
