Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
