Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
