I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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