how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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