my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
