Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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