the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
