take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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