So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
