Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
