Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
