True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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