I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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