I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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