She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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