i think i have herpe
just one?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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