Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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