It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
