That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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