I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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