Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
